so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
