I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
