I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
