omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
