Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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