just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
