The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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