After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
