I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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