We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
