he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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