you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
