Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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