someone owes me an orgasm
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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