i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
