so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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