The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
