I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
