I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
