i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize