There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
