i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
