The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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