So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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