i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
