I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
