Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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