Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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