i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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