i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
