Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
