i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
