this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
