It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
