Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
