he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
