i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Randomize
