You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All I want is dick and wine.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
