I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
