She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
