were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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