I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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