it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
