SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
