oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
