it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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