hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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