I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
