If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
