Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
