:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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