i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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