Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
