Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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