Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
