I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
