see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
