So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
