last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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