Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
