thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize