Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
