i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
