My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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