I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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