I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
