probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize