I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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