Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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